** ADULT MATERIAL WARNING **

The adult portion of this site (hereinafter known as Porn-o-matic™) doesn’t contain any nasty pictures (PLEASE, DON’T LEAVE!) but does have words. Lots of words. Probably a few too many. The truth is it doesn’t have any pictures at all, nasty or otherwise, but that’s only because I can’t figure out how to use this digital camera.  Does anyone know where the film goes?

           REPEAT AFTER ME:
I
[your name] swear on a stack of Bibles that I’m over 21, of reasonably sound mind, have a body, and don’t expect that I’ll see any words on this site that I haven’t heard, don’t understand, and haven’t used at least once in a sentence today. I also swear on my mother’s grave; promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; cross my heart and hope to die; and don’t have my fingers or any other body parts crossed.

FURTHERMORE:

  • I understand that the Supreme Court has made rulings pertaining to obscenity, pornography, scatology, lewd and lascivious behavior, and even on occasion things that are actually important to the well being of our country. I further understand that these same Supreme Court justices don’t wear anything under their robes, which comes in particularly handy during those cases involving obscenity, pornography, scatology, and lewd and lascivious behavior.
  • I agree that my standards are higher than those of my community, where everyone looks at, reads, and masturbates to pornography but has too much of a holier-than-thou attitude to admit it.
  • I realize that Section 104.3 (paragraph 4) of the Uniform Commercial Code (UCC) has nothing whatsoever to do with this and agree to campaign for its repeal. Or appeal. Or something.
  • Sticks and stones may break my bones but dirty words excite me.
  • I agree that a picture is worth 1,000 words, and even though there are no pictures on the Porn-o-matic™ there may in fact be 1,000 words which would make it equivalent to a picture, and that if there are fewer than 1,000 words they may be pro-rated, resulting in the equivalent of picture. Or even of one.
  • Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
  • I understand that my mother has probably seen this site before I have, though she claimed to be a 14 year-old virgin named Bambi and I had cybersex with her without knowing it. Good cybersex.  The best.
  • Hair will not grow on my palms, nor will I go blind, from using the Porn-o-matic™. Unless I use it too much.
  • I agree to hold Mad Dog, Mad Dog Productions, it’s assigns, successors, heirs, and friends harmless for any effects, intentional or otherwise, resulting from the use of Porn-o-matic™. Of course, if I did hold Mad Dog it would be anything but harmless.
  • Did I mention that I’m over 21?
  • Want to see my fake ID?

Enter

I haven't read all this but let me in anyway

Runaway!

 

  Skywriting at Night - a novel by Mad Dog

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