by Mad Dog
Jesse Ventura says he used the body double because he didnt
have time to spend 10 hours at the photo shoot. You have to give him credit, its a
better excuse than "The dog ate my feather boa."
|| Appearances can
be deceiving. You know this is true because weve developed so many platitudes about
it, like "Dont judge a book by its cover", "You never get a second
chance to make a first impression", and "What do you mean, did I see the Crying
Take Jesse "The
Body" Ventura. Go ahead, the people of Minnesota did, and they took him seriously.
Well, sort of. At first glance he appears to be a wrestler who made a wrong turn, entering
politics instead of the ring. But he pulled off the upset of the election, beating a tag
team of well known career politicians to become governor of the only state which thinks
ice fishing should be an Olympic sport. And why shouldnt Ventura be governor? After
all, wrestlings always been about yelling, screaming, posturing, beating up on your
opponents and, if youre a bad guy like he was, fighting dirty, so its not like
he doesnt have the necessary experience.
Now it turns out that Ventura may not be
what he appears to be. At least not physically. He admitted that during his campaign he
used a body double in a TV commercial that some say helped clinch the election while
cinching his waist, something he may have deemed necessary after his sportscasting cronies
started calling him Jesse "The Stomach" Ventura on the air. He says he used the
body double because he didnt have time to spend 10 hours at the photo shoot. You
have to give him credit, its a better excuse than "The dog ate my feather
All you need is a computer, a program like Photoshop, and time, which shouldnt be a
problem since the presidential elections not for two years so you dont need to
be watching WWF wrestling like its a presidential debate. Yet.
|| We shouldnt
be surprised that he did this. After all, Hollywood has been using body doubles for years
and no one objects. Of course that might be because its generally done for a nude
scene and the body double has a nicer body than the star. Face it, this would be like
arguing against someone trading you an original Picasso for that starving artist
Any-Painting-For-Ten-Bucks special on the living room wall.
But whats good for the movies isnt good for the
Internet. On film they happily let someone else be nude instead of them, but the minute
they find their heads pasted on a naked body online they get their Victorias Secret
panties in a knot.
This is going to be difficult to stop,
since thanks to technology almost anyone can make these modifications at home. All you
need is a computer, a program like Photoshop, and time, which shouldnt be a problem
since the presidential elections not for two years so you dont need to be
watching WWF wrestling like its a presidential debate. Yet.
One person is so outraged by this
unauthorized use of an actors nude and fake nude photos that she started a group
called Cybertrackers to hunt them down and behead them. Well, virtually speaking, anyway.
This person is Alyssa Milanos mother. Alyssa, in case youre still publicly
denying having been to an adult web site, is the hottest thing on the Internet this side
of Dawson Creek screen savers. Of course, instead of griping they should just be happy the
culprits didnt use the same body double Jesse Ventura did.
The difference here is that it turns out the cop who arrested him wasnt even a cop
but rather Steven Nemec, who pretended to be a cop and then arrested the wrong man!
|| This certainly
isnt the first time body doubles have been used in politics. A few years back in
Virginia a political commercial for Senator John Warner showed opponent Mark
"Im not John" Warner shaking hands with former Governor Douglas Wilder and
President Bill Clinton. The only problem was Mark Warner wasnt in the original
photograph. It seems someone removed Warners head and placed it on the body of Chuck
Robb, which not only caused a political stink but aroused Robbs wife, Lynda Byrd,
for the first time since she discovered Robb wasnt, in fact, Al Gore.
This in itself might not have been so bad except
that several months previous a state agency published a photograph of then Governor George
Allen rafting down the James River sitting next to big political contributor Jimmy
"Wanna see my sausage?" Dean. While Dean actually had been in the raft, he
didnt sit next to the governor. Someone thought the photo op could be improved upon
so they grafted Deans head onto someone elses body. Probably Lynda
Byrds. (But at least it wasnt Jesse Venturas.)
You dont need to manipulate photos to
make appearances deceiving. Recently, in Fresno, California, 22-year-old Chanel Chandler
was found dead, dressed for a night on the town in a black minidress with silver and gold
stripes. A week later the police revealed that Chanel was actually Charles, something not
even his/her friends were aware of, least of all the man Chandler supposedly married in
But at least the police in Fresno who
investigated this are who they say they are. Hopefully. This wasnt the case in Santa
Clara, California last summer when the police released a man who had been jailed for six
weeks on sexual assault charges because they discovered hed been arrested by
Okay, these things happen. The difference
here is that it turns out the cop who arrested him wasnt even a cop but rather
Steven Nemec, who pretended to be a cop and then arrested the wrong man! There was no word
as to whose body was attached to the mug shot.
Remember all this the next time someone
tells you that a picture is worth a thousand words. Some of those words might just be
©1998 Mad Dog Productions, Inc. All
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country. Think
about this when you look at the photographs.