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Shedding Some Light
on Sunlight
by Mad Dog
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Back in the good old days, defined as the years when saying
“Paris is hot” referred to the romantic European capital in the
summer, sunlight was good for you. |
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I’m sitting in the sun
feeling very conflicted. It’s not because I’m goofing off when I
should be working. After all, I have my laptop balanced on my knees and
I’m writing, so I’m enjoying the sun and being productive at the
same time, which is one of the best kinds of multitasking I can think
of. And the least confusing. No, the problem I’m having is that I
can’t figure out if I’m being good to myself by being in the sun or
not. Where I once thought getting sun was good for me, I later had it
drummed into my head that it was evil and I would turn into a pile of
wrinkles and carcinoma if I wasn’t bundled up like a 2-year-old
heading out into a blizzard. Now it turns out sunlight may actually
prevent cancer. Yes, I said prevent it. I haven’t been this confused
since Elton John got married.
Back in the good old days, defined as
the years when saying “Paris is hot” referred to the romantic
European capital in the summer, sunlight was good for you. It was
necessary for the body’s manufacturing of vitamin D, gave you a
healthy looking glow, warmed you down to the bones, and put you in a
good mood. Suntan lotion was baby oil which you slathered on your body
like a well basted Thanksgiving turkey. If you were afraid you were
going to burn you put thick, gooey white zinc oxide on specific body
parts the way life guards did with their noses, a sure tip-off that they
were either playing the scarecrow in a community theater production of
the Wizard of Oz or they were Professional Sun People. Sunscreen
was for sissies, beach umbrellas were for grandparents, and tan lines
were something to be proud of.
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The porcelain look was back in, George Hamilton was out, and
inventors with a sense of humor developed spray-on tans which let you
step into a booth, turn around while being sprayed with orange dye, and
understand what it feels like to be an old junker at Earl Scheib.
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Somewhere around the time our parents were beginning to look like
dried apple dolls well before their time, scientists decided that the
sun really wasn’t so good for us after all. They said it causes
wrinkles, icky sun spots, and skin cancer. Talk about a buzzkill. They
recommended not going out into the sunlight without wearing SPF 200
sunscreen, a burqa, a big floppy hat that makes you look like Katherine
Hepburn, and an umbrella with a UV blocking rating of infinity. Actually
they preferred that we didn’t see sunlight at all and probably had
recommendations on how to make sure we didn’t get a moonburn, but
luckily we were good and didn’t have to hear it. Suddenly the
porcelain look was back in, George Hamilton was out, and inventors with
a sense of humor developed spray-on tans which let you step into a
booth, turn around while being sprayed with orange dye, and understand
what it feels like to be an old junker at Earl Scheib.
Now it turns out that not only
isn’t the sun bad for you, it’s actually good for you again. Go
figure. The reason for this revelation is that, just as in fashion,
science goes retro every once in a while. No, scientists aren’t
wearing bell bottoms and leisure suits, even though that would be a step
up from their usual attire. What’s happened is that they’ve
rediscovered the glory of vitamin D. Four recent studies have found that
vitamin D helps protect against lymphoma and cancers of the prostate,
lungs, colon, and yes, even the skin. And the best way to get vitamin D
is still through sunlight. That’s right, the same sunlight that causes
skin cancer can protect against it. Don’t feel bad, I’m confused
too.
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It
seems to me though that if the sun causes and prevents skin cancer at
the same time, the two should effectively cancel each other out, making
sunlight skin cancer neutral. |
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So now the thinking is that we should get 15–20 minutes of
unprotected sun every day. I guess after that we’re supposed to go
back into ultraprotection don’t-let-any-rays-touch-your-body mode. It
seems to me though that if the sun causes and prevents skin cancer at
the same time, the two should effectively cancel each other out, making
sunlight skin cancer neutral. Then all we have to do is decide whether
it’s worth spending our golden years looking like a mahogany shar-pei
in return for warding off other cancers.
Now you understand why I’m so
conflicted. See, I like the sun. The sun is my friend. I don’t worship
it, but then I’m not much at worshipping. Except, of course, at the
feet of my girlfriend who would kill me if I didn’t say this. I guess
the best way to put it is that I couldn’t live in a place that
doesn’t get a lot of sunshine. The idea of living in grayness for
months on end, or god forbid 21 hours a day of darkness, would push me
over the edge like a native Finn impaling himself on a reindeer’s
antlers. So I guess I’ll play it safe and take the 15 free and clear
sun minutes the doctors are allowing me and be happy. And to think, for
a while there I thought I wouldn’t have to smell like cheap sunscreen
again.
©2005 Mad Dog
Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
These columns appear in better newspapers across the country.
Read them in the sunlight.
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