Useless products for people with too much money

Croc O' Shirt

Mad Dog Productions was formed thanks to Croc O' Shirt, a golf shirt with an embroidered patch of an upside down dead crocodile which came out during the height of the preppie dressing phase.   It was sold almost entirely through mail order, mostly through ads in Rolling Stone, National Lampoon, and the magazine section of newspapers around the country.

The Croc O' Shirt patchLacoste, S.A. wasn't amused.  Neither was their parent company, General Mills. They filed a lawsuit alleging trademark infringement.  Can you say, "No sense of humor?"  I knew that you could.  The lawsuit generated worldwide publicity including TV network newscasts, Time, Newsweek, even Japanese Cosmopolitan.  After a year the suit was settled, allowing another year in which to sell the shirts.  If you have or find a Croc O' Shirt hold onto it, they're collector's items.  Not to infer that they're worth anything....


Horse Shirt

While the Croc O' Shirt was rolling--both the shirt sales and the lawsuit--it was the perfect time to release the Horse Shirt, a golf shirt with a design of a horse dragging a polo player embroidered on it with the words Horse Shirt underneath.   Not surprisingly, Polo Fashions wasn't amused.  Either that or they saw the big target on our backs that said, "Sue Me".  This one was settled quickly since we knew the magic words and besides, they weren't selling that well anyway. 


Preptile Skin Transfers

Preptile skin transfers were, well, a dud that was ahead of its time.  Each sheet of these temporary skin tattoos had five "live" crocs and five Croc O' Shirt crocs so you could show your colors even when at the beach.  Or in the bedroom.  Or just be incredibly obnoxious.  No one cared.  And it would be ten years before temporary skin tattoos began to catch on.  Such is life.


Silent Vigil Foam Rubber
Wind Chimes

The Silent Vigil Foam Rubber Wind Chimes were designed for people who love the look of wind chimes but hate the sound.  They were guaranteed never to make noise, no matter whether they were hung in a closet or out on the porch during a hurricane.  Proudly, no one ever took advantage of this guarantee.


Tacky Temp

The Tacky Temp thermometer was an attempt to rid humanity of those meaningless numbers that have littered thermometers for years.  Instead, it used phrases to describe the weather.  It started at the bottom with Hell Freezes Over, working its way up through Cold As A Witch's Tit, Totally Uncalled For, Sweater Weather, Balmy, Beach Weather, and Hot Enough To Fry Eggs on the Sidewalk.  With others in between, of course.  It's too bad it didn't catch on more, as it would have created a common system that would have linked those countries that use Celsius with those that use Fahrenheit.  Another Nobel Prize down the tubes.  So to speak.



Incogneato glasses were, well, cardboard glasses that made it look like you had a black bar over your eyes.  This was in the days before digital face fuzzing existed and they had that certain National Enquirer charm.  Their slogan was "When you you know you don't want to be known".


  Skywriting at Night - a novel by Mad Dog

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