A Few Words
Before School Starts
Itís back to school
time, so get ready to sit down and have a talk with the kids about the
importance of an education, be they your kids, your siblingís, or the
ones that live next door who spent most of the summer tied up and
gagged in your tool shed so you could have some peace and quiet. In
case you donít feel comfortable having this discussion, you can
relax. I'm here to do it for you.
Seeing Red Over
In a show of educational
Kumbaya-ism not seen since English became Language Arts, teachers are
dumping their red pens faster than plans for Gigli II and
grading studentsí papers using purple ones. They say marking errors
in red has a ďnegative connotation.Ē What next? Stop giving out
gold and silver stars, eliminate letter grades, and only hand out two
grades, pass and passable?
Back to School
You can tell summerís over. The barbecue grillís been unused for
weeks, movies are coming out with fewer asteroids and more plot, and the
newspaperís filled with Back to School ads for $200 sneakers designed by
NASA for Nikeís money-making program. That makes it a good time to
sit down and talk to your kids about the importance of an education. Try
to sneak it in during one of the (True Statistic Alert!) 10,000
commercials the average kid will see over summer vacation.
Shouldnít Go to College - Itís
now being revealed that education is bad for your health. This came to
light in a study published in the February issue of American Demographics
magazine (motto: "They cut down trees for this?") which claims
that the more education you have the less sex you have. Who would have
thought youíd trade one sheepskin for another?
So That's What's The Matter With Kids Today
If you can trust
two recent studies, and I canít think of a single reason why
you should, two of the biggest problems facing kids today are
that beer is too cheap and cars have too many seats. Believe it
or not, people actually got paid to come up with these
conclusions. What I canít figure out is how I get their job.
Why Johnny Can't
In the past, spelling was a
particularly thorny problem in the English language, but not anymore
thanks to the advent of the spell checker. In the early days of personal
computing, word processors didn't have spell checkers. Of course floppy
discs were hand carved out of stone then too. The first spell checker I
used made me run each file through a separate program which then checked
it against a massive dictionary of 251 entries, putting its vocabulary on
par with Sylvester Stallone's. As the software progressed, so did the
spell checkers. Unfortunately Sylvester Stallone didn't.
vacations and summer not
Open your notebooks class, itís time to write that traditional back-to-school essay about what you did on your summer vacation.
If you were lucky like Chelsea Clinton you got to
travel. Or maybe you spent it trying to meet members of the opposite sex
by SpeedDating. Eva Brugeura of Palo Alto, California spent her
summer turning kitchen appliances on their side. And in Iowa
people flocked to Nehama to watch tractor square dancing. Hey,
it beats staying home and repainting the barbecue grill. Again.
three - On one side of the discussion are those who say national or statewide
testing is the only way to ensure that all children learn the same things in school while
offering a way to see how they rank among other students. On the other side of the
argument are those people who are too busy watching Americas Funniest Multi-Car
Collisions to form an opinion.